When someone has a broken bone or a serious health issue, there are generally outward signs and symptoms that make it very obvious something isn’t quite right. Mental illness can be tricky because people may look completely “normal” on the outside and yet have a major illness. Sometimes supporting someone with a mental illness is harder than usual because there’s no obvious indicators something is really wrong. The invisibility of the illness might make it feel that you are not a real carer. Trust me you are!

You don’t need to be an expert on mental health to offer support, sometimes small everyday actions can make a big difference. If you know someone has been unwell, don’t be afraid to ask how they are. They may want to talk about it or they may not. Ask how you can help. Everyone wants support at different times and in different ways. Someone who has a long-standing mental health problem might well know what is best for them.

Ways to help support someone with a mental illness

Supporting someone with a mental illness can be tough but there are some specific things you can do that make a big difference. Take a look.

Be open-minded: Mental health issues are on a spectrum. Some mental health issues – such as schizophrenia with delusions – have blatant and obvious symptoms, while others – like depression or anxiety – may not be so obvious. Be openminded when someone shares that they are living with a mental health diagnosis. Not all categories of mental illness express themselves in obvious ways.

Have a pre-arranged plan: Mental illnesses oftentimes cycle, meaning there are periods of few to no symptoms and periods of intense symptoms. Making a plan to support someone when things are going well can prepare you for when things are tough. Come to agreements about what ways you can support someone when they aren’t doing well and remind them of the plan when things are challenging. This can help with trust and boundaries down the line.

Avoid co-dependency: Because mental illness affects the mind, it also affects mood, communication, and interpersonal relationships. Someone who is depressed, anxious, or experiencing a delusion can be unable or unwilling to communicate effectively. It is important not to become enabling or co-dependent when someone isn’t at their best. Having safe and appropriate boundaries is always best for everyone.

Be kind and firm: You wouldn’t be mean to someone who has diabetes and you wouldn’t consider losing your temper with someone undergoing radiation. In the same way, it’s important to stay kind and offer grace to people who are experiencing mental illness. Be kind and firm in your dealings to ensure you are doing what is right for everyone without anger or bitterness. 

Watch out for burnout: Families who support a loved one with a chronic mental illness can suffer burnout. It takes a lot to support someone who is living with the symptoms of mental illness because their needs can feel overwhelming and longsuffering. It is important to keep your own sense of self-care and do what you need to do to stay positive and energized. Charities such as Carers U.K.org can help with practical advice on benefits you may be entitled to and offer emotional and practical support. The mental health charity Mind also offers support and information for carers.

Being a part of a support system for someone living with a mental illness can be rewarding and challenging. There are many ways to support someone while making sure you are keeping your relationship healthy and appropriate.